This is more or less (more than less really since it really is) my final 2016 post,
And I just totally threw myself off with all that more or less, really stuff. Add on that I've been sick since Christmas and I'm not entirely sure what I'm saying or spelling.
I'm not doing an official "final" post because I don't know what to say. Actually, aside from the one I did back in 2013 I've never done a final post. It's always been a top ten and see ya when I see ya.
But 2013 was a pretty crappy year for me. I've referred to the summer of that year as my "dark summer" (which is why I then switched it to the Summer of Grease, I was watching that movie like twice a week that summer) and reading back that post I mentioned four straight months of tears.
Which might be why I've been so nonchalant about this year, yes it's been weird, distressful, exhausting to say the least. But I don't have a reason to complain, other than the fact that there's only so much I remember about it, I've had harder times and I've gotten over them. I know for many 2016 was probably a lot like, if not much worse really, than my 2013. So many hugs go out to these people, they are all much stronger than I am or ever will be.
In that 2013 post I made a metaphor of having my sand castles knocked down, that just when everything was going my way or I let myself hope, something (or one) would come along and just knock it down. I ended it saying that while I was hopeful for the year to come I still hesitated from the fear that "the another boot will drop on that sand castle." That might be my one bad thing of the year; I can't say I succeeded in building or even dreaming up too many sand castles but I've been going around with this horrible fear that the ones I do won't be there for too long.
Not a new fear and I'm sure in no way uncommon, but I think that so much this year has emphasized it.
Every new year I promise new changes (that sadly never happen) and finally it's hit me that everything can change. So many times I've hope that I wouldn't find myself in the same place but I'm still here, now I can't help but wonder when that might actually change and if I'm actually ready for it.
I mean there's a reason I didn't fight harder to make all those changes I've wanted.
I know that ready or not changes need to happen and I need to make as many as possible because I won't be in charge of more than half of them and I refuse to let those keep me down.
Moving on. There was an original point to this post.
I mentioned above that there's only so much I remember about this year and that's semi-true. This year can be divided into before my trip to Spain (that I remember perfectly thankfully) and after. What happened before that trip, I can't say. And that's probably because it's nothing worth mentioning. I feel like this year has been so prolonged Christmas was barely a week ago but it feels like so long ago. Thanksgiving was ages ago and did we even have Halloween?
This is why I rarely do personal recaps. Remember last year when I started "Humdrum" posts? Probably not because they did not last too long.
This is exactly why my Song of the Moment posts are my favorite because it's the only real way I'm capturing the moment.
I can listen to this playlist, hear Part of Your World and remember The Little Mermaid at the Hollywood Bowl in June. Route 66 and Chicago as a nod to one of my favorite books. All the songs tied to my time in both Spain and Paris. The emotions and thoughts behind a few of them. The randomness that is me singing a song in the middle of the night.
And even if I don't remember I still have the original post where I can see what I had to say about it. Unfortunately like All My Friends Say, it was a low mood for a really stupid reason. Though I will say the inspiration of that one mood also inspired a few more songs later on.
I had one more song to share, but me being me it turned into three. A part of me thought to save the last two for a normal post, but other than it not being "the moment" any more I can't even say when that post will be.
Appropriate for the moment I might say.
The goodbye for me in this song was to Spain, it was played on our last night there while we were driving around Barcelona.
Emotion: I was on the brink of becoming a huge mess. Even though I still had a week left in Paris I was not ready to let go of that part of the trip yet. I tried so hard not to start crying over it; and it's one of those moments where you know if someone addresses you you'll lose it completely. I didn't, then. Not until I got home and Pandora decided to play every cover of the song created.
Song that's been stuck in my head this week:
I sadly know this song because it was a part of a memorial video from a couple of years ago.
And because of that I decided to go out with a pick me up video I just found while getting this post ready: