Monday, April 3, 2017

Other Things I Play the Comparison Game With

In which I continue to make myself look, and to a point feel, sad.

A point I keep emphasizing is that I have no problem admitting any of this because I constantly remind myself of all the good in my life. And I know that while I might be the only one to fully dive in and admit the depth this problem has gone for me, I am not alone.

Just felt like I had to put that out there. Again.

This is the third post I'm doing on this topic, don't worry there's probably only one more in me, and while I've most definitely side-railed a few times I'm sure my point has stayed the same. I compare and then let myself become miserable.

So far I've mainly focused on social media posts and the 'glamorous' lives my 'friends' are not actually living. But I did mention something else in my first post. Movie stars of the past and dead musicians.
Alright that's not entirely true, but it is what I mentioned in that post.

I am actually in no way effected by celebrities. I don't even care. But I am effected by the media, who for some reason feels the need to tell the persons age. Though I will say I only noticed they did it for the women "the 46 year old beauty, the 30 year old mother of two." Because that's all they are? Their age and a status?
Don't mean to sidetrack here, but really, they show a guy and I'm left wondering "how old is he, does he have kids?!" No he's just a heartthrob, no matter what age or status.

But back to my point. Why does age have to be a factor? Yes it's impressive that some people accomplish things young (and my next post will be all about my admiration for these people) but to me it's just a reminder of everything I haven't done.
Again I know I am where I am by choice, and I accept that. Not so much in the middle of the night, but I'm learning to work through that.
Again I can honestly say this is not actually envy. I don't want what these people have, I want my own.

And it's not just real people who bring up these feelings but fictitious ones too. Yes I compare myself to characters in books. I'm fully aware that this one is the stupidest of all because they are the product of someone's imagination. For all I know the author was once in the same boat as I am.
The realistic fiction books that I have let hit me are actually not that realistic. My guess would be that only 1 out 15 21 year olds have actually done anything that they do in books. I know!

I am basically Ariel in the Little Mermaid singing A Part of Your World; "I want more!"
And, because it bares repeating, I know it's all on me. (Maybe if I write it enough times it'll have an effect on me.)
This isn't something I can't hide from so the best I can do is... I don't know. Not overthink it? Finally get the nerve to live the life I want?
Keep on counting the good, even though I'm starting to feel like even that's a way of comparison?

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