This was a post idea I came up with years ago after some blog event, but never wrote. I've decided to do so now because, well it's the only chance I have left, and I feel it's a good explanation of where I stand in the blogger world.
Or just the world in general.
Like I said the idea came after a blog event, in which bloggers posted assigned topics and then everyone would jump around to participating blogs and comment; creating a great way to get to know each other.
(Alright I just describe the Love-a-Thon, which was not intentional because I'm not entirely sure if it was this event that inspired me. It might be but I do still have a second event in mind, whatever they both had me thinking the same thing.)
At some point during these events there was a Twitter chat, in which everyone got together and talked.
This is the part of the party where I felt like I was just wandering around trying to fit into any conversation (much like I do at real parties) because groups we're already formed. The whole point was to meet new people but it was still "Hey I know this person so I'm going to talk to them more."
That's not to say I was ignored but it still felt like I was fighting to keep my head out of water.
And that's a feeling I never managed to get rid of while blogging. I once said I was a small fish in a big pond and that that was alright but... there's a difference between a little fish and an invisible fish.
As I've been told many times in my life, it's my own fault for not "putting myself out there," and I know it is. (It's why I'm not doing a giveaway next week) And I tried but in the end it still wasn't enough.
I once sent out a message to a group for a blog thing I had going and everyone freaked out. "Who is this? How did you get my information?! What do you want from me?!"
Although I shouldn't be too surprised by those reactions seeing as how one of them mentioned me on their blog as Diane from Little Drama Girl.
It's like these groups were already formed and you had to be something pretty special to be let in. And I wasn't.
Back in January I mentioned being sad after reading another blog's final post: "mainly because that'll be me in 3 months; but also because it won't be, because we had very different experiences blogging."
It's true, not to say the grass was greener on the other side, but it was. I'm not trying to compare myself (or my blog) to anyone else but, I guess I'm just sad that I won't be taking much away. I have an upcoming post of my top blogging moments and can not think of anything.
And not just moments but people, anyone I've befriended over these past seven years have disappeared. And I didn't know too many people to begin with.